I’ve felt bad for The Onion for many years. This is, unintentionally, fucking hilarious.

I flew a lot for the first 20-25 years of my life. My parents were civilians and their checks came from the Department of Defense. We moved a lot, all over the world, and flew within the US 1-3 times every year. Then I got busy and didn’t fly even once for about 20 years. I thought that I knew how the system worked, but I was fucking floored with how much shittier the entire process has become.

You know, if they actually did something about the crazy wealth inequality, airlines (and just about every other fucking capitalist transaction in this fucked up country) wouldn’t feel such a need to nickle and dime every last coin for the absolute least output.