I mean, I suffered a stroke back in 2014 that essentially ended my life - I’m still here but I’m not ‘living’, partially blind, cognative issues, light memory loss, heavy physical struggles. My fiancé (I’m gay so not exactly apples to apples) left me after it became apparent that I wasn’t going to improve very much more than I already had, through therapy and physical tricks. “I don’t think I love you anymore” and “I didn’t sign up for this” are two statements burned into my brain. The last one really pisses me off, even now - I’m so sorry that a stroke that I suffered and wasn’t supposed to live through is so difficult for you. I’ll be sure to meet with you and look at my calendar next time I lose a large part of my physical control and come to a knifes edge of death. So sorry about that struggle.
Out of curiosity, how are you able to tell you have lost cognitive ability? Does it just feel like thinking with a hangover or what.
Sorry for your loss though.
I used to be really sharp with recall and problem solving. Witty and rapid in discussions. Now, not all the time but, often I’ll have to formulate my thoughts and evaluate them, it’s not boom boom rapid responses, they don’t come ‘naturally’ anymore if that makes sense. I also struggle a lot with breaking words into letters - such as when taking a customers information (“my name is Bob Walker and I live at 426 Cherry Blossom Circuit and I want to order a…”). I have helped a business I used to work for pre-stroke on busy holidays, manning the phones and front desk, and people are assholes when you ask them to repeat information but slowly, one letter at a time. It annoys me but then customers get frustrated and yell at me (yet they won’t order their stuff online, which would be easier and faster, and with offered coupons… sigh). Just a couple examples.
It’s noticeable to me, so (I assume) it must be quite obvious to others.
A lot of people don’t pay much attention to what others are doing, saying, feeling… so while it is possible some may notice, I’m sure much of it is just self-inspection with a dabble of paranoia about not feeling as quick as you were. Not saying you are as quick as you were, but many will not notice like you would.
Hopefully that didn’t come across wrong. If you ever need someone to talk to or just vent, feel free to message me. Sometimes it is nice just to get shit out there.
You’re good =) in person the immediate obviously item is my physical state, hobbling with a cane, my right arm raised to my chest and bent, hand balled up similar to a fist. It’s the people who can’t see me that are hurtful, assuming the person they are speaking with is able-bodied and such. But yeah, I know I’m not as capable or quick thinking as I was before, but I’m trying to achieve returning as close as I can regardless. I was young when it happened so that’s a ‘plus’, brain still developing and all that. I lost a lot of capabilities (can’t run, jump, swim, carry boxes, cook meals, etc…) and I need help with a lot (retrieving packages, retrieving food or drink, moving objects around, making my bed without it looking awful, shopping, getting around town…) but I can handle essential daily stuff, and if I need to I can struggle to get a snack or order a meal for delivery, or similar. It’s quite… disheartening? To have to rely so much on others for what are otherwise very simple tasks. Especially at my age.
Anyway, I’ll quiet down :p
Feel free to ramble. I enjoy it. You say the one hand is like that, what is mobility like for the other? Help Getting around town seems like you are somewhat capable, and which is good to hear, I feel I’d have tried to figure out what little I could do and become a recluse. You say at this your age, is your website fairly accurate with that? I saw it in your about section. I’m 36 now, so I am assuming you are just a couple years younger than I. Was it recent or in your 20s it occured if it isn’t to personal?
My left side is totally fine, my right is between ‘difficult’ and ‘deadweight’, getting worse the further you go down my extremities. I have no control at all over my foot and toes, but I can manipulate my leg enough to manage moving and dressing. Website is accurate (I just updated it a few days ago, birthday last month), stroke happened when I was 21. I have gone on record saying to physicians that “I had my first stroke before my first alcoholic beverage” :p
E: also I have severe loss of feeling in my right side, at an average of 10-15% remaining, but as little as 0% on a couple areas.
21, with no previous alcohol, I hope it wasn’t genetic reasons so you had a good memories from your childhood. That’s good to hear you can manipulate it enough to dress and stuff. I’m sure that feels like nothing sometimes, but the “independence” of it feels like moving mountains when you compare it to other things you’ve had to lose. If your website is a representation of yourself I have to say you seem to be joyful still and a beautiful person despite the challenges you’ve been thrown your way. Like I said before, if you are ever bored or just want to chat, feel free to ping me! You seem like a great person to have around in life
